Field notes
Welcome to field notes.
These aren’t necessarily blog posts or fully-formed articles. These are more like fragments, insights mid-thought, seeds I’m planting for future use.
These can also give you an idea of where my mind wanders in regards to creativity, spirituality, the human condition, and anything else that draws my attention. I will update these semi-regularly. Think of these as notes jotted while in the field!
Just so you know - that desire to be seen and acknowledged in your work?
That’s a legit part of being human. It doesn’t mean that you create from that place - you create because the Creative Spirit pulls on you to do so - but there is nothing wrong for wanting others to sit in your work with you…the feelings that prompted them, the energy behind it, the catalysts that brought your work to the forefront of your mind and birthed into the world.
It’s a balance between creating and building for you, and also revealing it to the world to feel not alone, to connect with the world one person at a time.
Because it’s part of who we are. The effect of what we put out there ripples out to others. What they do with that cosmic nudge is up to them. Maybe it stirs their emotions, mind, or soul. Or maybe they ignore it and scroll onto a puppy video or some online drama.
It’s crucial to know when you’re coming from external validation and when you’re coming from Source stirring you up.
How to tell the difference? For me, it’s the energy built up in the release. If I’m scrambling to get something out, feeling like I’m missing out if I don’t put something out, if I’m concerned about the algorithm, or thinking what I think others will think of it, then I’m cooked.
When I put something into the world, and it’s in its time, and I feel good in the process rather than only after hitting the criteria that I lay out for it, then I feel it’s aligned, and I’m good to go.
Just do the thing because it compels you - not because of the potential applause.
The biggest bully in my life has always been me.
And you know why it’s been so insidious? Because it always looks different.
Sometimes it looked like a bunch of high school kids. Other times it was my “friends”. At other times, it was a teacher. Or maybe a stranger on the street.
But in the end, it was me.
You can say “Paul, you’re not that other person. That makes no sense”.
Here’s the deal - obviously others have said things to me that were mean or cruel. Or put their hands on me. But after that was done, I continued to punish myself in their absence. I believed them. I integrated their actions, energy, and words into my own psyche.
So the bully in me grew - like a snowball that gains heft and weight as it rolls down a snowy hill. I kept the spirit of those others in my own head. I punished myself as they would have, even worse.
Those bullies were somehow there for my benefit. At a soul level, that is.
It’s only looking back now do I see that I was meant to be at the end of those barbs - it’s taken me down dark roads, but also it’s helped me grow and reach new heights. I don’t necessarily wish what happened to me on others, but I know that we all have our lessons in life to handle. They suck in the moment, but the light that comes out after, is brighter than anything else we can conjure on our own.
One of the biggest pitfalls of creating art is the notion that it’s all been done before. That nothing is original.
While in some ways, that may be true, I find that people are innovating all the time. The idea that nothing is original is what keeps us from us knocking on the door of creativity.
The reality is that no one has written like you, painted like you, built a website like you, written a speech like you, planned a garden like you, built a video game like you, etc. because no else IS you. Just the fact that YOU built or created that thing makes it special.
Sure, we may emulate someone’s style, especially when starting out. As long as you create out of integrity (and not blatantly stealing), then you’re good, homie. We all borrow from others we admire, but eventually we settle into the “-ness” of our truest selves.
I remember when I wrote my book, Longing For The Spirit, the editor said she had never seen so many italicized words before ha ha. I like using emphasis in that way. She also wanted to remove a lot of my pop culture references. She was in her 20s and I was in my 40s, so my frame of reference for shows of the 70s and 80s was outside of her young radar.
So I fought to keep them all in.
All to say that stick to your guns. Do things your way. Don’t be dissuaded by the defeatist idea that everything has been done already, so what’s the point of you doing it? That’s bullshit. Do your thing, homie.
You’re worthy of creating it and we’re blessed to experience it.
It never fails to catch me - I will be scrolling online and seeing these absolutely incredible artists doing things that just blow my mind. And my nearly-immediate thought is “oh man, am I ever so untalented!” It’s a knee-jerk reaction, to be honest, and I’m not proud of it.
It’s my old way of operating - from lack, fear, and low self-esteem. It’s something I struggle with to this day, but have made a lot of headway in.
But back to the incredible artists - what we don’t see are the countless frustrating and heart-wrenching hours those creatives have spent in their craft, honing it to a point where it looks seamlessly easy. That’s the hallmark of a craftsperson. Ever see an athlete make things look so easy - a figure skater gliding with ease, a Cirque du Soleil performer twirling like they were born to do so, a long jumper leaping like a leopard as if it were nothing.
They worked their asses off to get there. Same with the charcoal artist you admire, or the stop-motion filmmaker who kicks ass, or whomever…they weren’t born that way. They had the same feelings as you - that they weren’t special or talented. But as Stephen King once said “Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is hard work.”
So keep working at your thing, friend. It will be frustrating. You will want to give up. You’ll compare yourself to others (okay, maybe I’m projecting all this ha ha), but in the end, you’ll notice you’re getting fucking better. And how cool is that? It takes persistence and the desire to improve.
Look to others for inspiration, but don’t let your brain shut you down.
You don’t have to be spiritual to be an artist or creative.
Some folks think that creativity is just a normal function of the brain - and in many ways, they’re right. It’s a way of seeing things in a new light, whether you’re figuring out how to build shelter in the middle of the jungle or how to make a kick-ass deck for your presentation at work.
Creativity, innovation, and problem-solving all live in the same apartment complex.
But what about those who claim that their ideas come from “somewhere else”? People talk about getting “downloads”. Or that their Muse creeps up out of nowhere and they get an idea that feels divine. Are they wrong?
I think it depends on how you see yourself and your work in this world.
That’s a cop-out answer I know…ha ha. But to me, if you’re one who sees things through a spiritual lens, then you see that creativity comes from the same source energy. If you’re more scientific in your views, then you’ll see it simply as a function of the working brain.
Personally, I see it as a bit of both. I think we all have patterns, thoughts, memories, and ways of connecting things that can be very left-brained. Experience and wisdom come into play, as does habit, skill, and abilities.
But putting them together in ways that baffle me - I feel part of that is Spirit at play. If I’m pulled towards something that is utterly new and scary, but I know in my heart it needs to be created, then I don’t see that as my brain. There’s something else at play.